Jared (sarynx) wrote,

helter skelter

it's all crazy. three days have gone by without my consent or approval. they didn't ask me! how mean. so now i need to leave to go to atlanta tomorrow, but it's way too late to get an early start and i wasn't ready to go anyway. it's very cool, i'm going to meet my mission year people, but i told one of my people in atlanta i'd do some computer stuff while up, and i didn't tell another person in atlanta about some stuff i've been preparing. and so i'm trying to get that stuff together before leaving. i wanted to go early to get the computer stuff done and not have it supplant meeting with people (!), but this was early.

i've found two or three other places in tallahassee i'd like to work if not at aegis. fun! but i haven't geared up my resume for them or sent anything or gone to see them. boo hiss.

my computer is dead, again, expensively this time. last time the power supply died; this time it's the motherboard, and there's no telling what else is fried, or whether it will fry another computer if i put it in it. it's like the parts of my dead computer have a dread contagion. so now instead of $50 it's $500, and i haven't any money.

because i took my cat to the vet to get his cast off and they charged me $100. and my dearest and i had dinner at manna, a verra-nice and expensive restaurant, on valentine's day. and there's the matter with melissa coming to the mission year reunion, about which i have not told everyone at all yet. so yes dearest you are right. i have no money, because i have no job. not long ago i was rich; today i am poor relative to then; this happens when you don't get money all the time i'm afraid.

mr. t loooved the ride to the vet's office in my lap. he was kinda fidgety trying to look out the window but he purred all the way and rubbed his face all over me anywhere he could. even after the shots were administered, he was scared but still liked me. but after the cast came off he was like a red-haired wood chipper with his little super-buzz-saw-claws. and of course the leg that was in the cast was all atrophied and stank and shedding all over me. he licked and furiously nibbled it all the way home instead of trying to look out the window. i haven't seen him since then (tuesday).

i knew, all through the last three days, that i wasn't getting what i wanted done and i would regret it. yet sometimes i have no self control. bleh.

i've committed to leave my house every day for lent. it was something i need to do anyway - and it doesn't seem very ascetic or self-denying - but i thought of Vinoth Ramachandra's exposition on Job in Gods that Fail, and how he says that at the end when Job says, "I repent in dust and ashes," it really means something more like, "I repent from dust and ashes," i.e. having heard what i needed to from God, i can cease to mourn and question, and i can trust and be happy again. that's what leaving my house is like. stopping bellyaching about how i never see anyone, doing something about it, and being happier. make sense?

so. to all who haven't seen me online, the reason is because my computer's dead. i'm on my mom's right now; it doesn't quite work right in every case. (??) and i'll be gone to atlanta all weekend, w00t!
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